Monthly Archives: April 2018

Village Idiot

When you’re a child you make certain assumptions about the adults in your world. At the age of seven you believe what your parents tell you is gospel. Grandparents are of the highest order. Old people are wise. You were told to respect authority. The Queen, The PM…

Then you come of age. Cut to 2018 and I’m not so sure that the hierarchy of authority either commands or deserves respect.

This week, well not just this week, we have yet again watched the pantomime of world politics, unfold on the world stage. A dystopian fairytale of greed, power, and aggression (and that’s just our closest ally), that could have been scripted by Orwell himself. Indeed, worrying times are afoot and where do we look to when our national security is threatened? A ridiculous cast of characters, complete with pantomime dame. It’s time to look at the adults who control our lives…

Firstly, as much as I’m not keen on Theresa May, I have to say that she has more about her than most. Being a woman, she gets things done. She’s no ditherer, and love or hate her, she seems to listen and gauge what people want. However, her biggest flaw is her cabinet (not the drinks one which I bet has had a hammering the past few nights). Bumbling around, complaining, making ludicrous comments (and that’s just Boris), they don’t seem to wield either power or influence with any man or dog. It can’t just be me who automatically eye rolls when one of them pipes up, can it? Or only be me worrying that these clueless idiots seem to have world peace resting in their hands?

But that’s just the supporting cast. When Village idiot Corbyn bumbles onto the stage, all credibility for our democratic society begins to crumble. I’ve watched this man intently since becoming leader of the opposition. I wanted to like him. I wanted him to say something refreshing. I wanted him to be honest and tell the truth. But Jezza ‘I like to sit on the floor of the train like a fool’ Corbyn, picks the wrong fights and leaves us all at a loss to what his point is – not his point, but the point of him existing is.

You see, we are facing tough times. At home our streets are becoming more dangerous by the day. In London, street crime is at an all time high. And since when has it been socially acceptable to set up a memorial for the perpetrator at the crime scene? It seems there is no authority and respect and no one to teach it anymore. The Tories have made so many cut backs to our trusty health service, national security, policing and education system, that we are struggling as a country: no one feels safe and our children’s’ futures look quite bleak. This is fact. Corbyn likes to remind us of this when he’s offering to give back to our poor country from his magic money tree (Probably, the same magic money tree Blair used to get us into this bloody mess in the first place). Abroad, we know things are tougher. The media appears to be veiled in so much propaganda that none of us know what to believe. But, rather than reassure the public (some people did vote for him), support the tough job that Theresa May is having to do, he seems to like siding with the devil himself. This, I believe, is unforgivable and plays totally into Putin et al hands.

But, whilst Corbyn tries to grow magic beans, over the ocean, our closet ally likes to resort to playground tactics to make his point. In any other production he’d be the ultimate pantomime villain. The orange tupeed warrior, who continues to make us all look as uneducated and ridiculous, as the baddies would like to believe we are. Offering people out via Tweeting is both childish, and surely against the Geneva convention? Not only is it highly inappropriate, it discredits the power and respect that America once held. And by default, tarnishes us also. Displaying such a lack of intelligence, as those who voted for him in the first place, makes the whole ‘air striking of Syria’ appear unethical and ill thought out. Who starts a war by Tweeting? Churchill must be turning in his grave.

It’s not easy watching the news with the children at present as there is so much that threatens our futures. I’m sure I’m not alone in this sentiment. Surely they should stop arguing and do that thing we do to our own children – telling them it will all be fine and ok? Instead, what we are given is more worry and a clear division. And this makes me angry! Division is a weakness and shows how little backbone some of these politicians have.

All is not lost and I’m going to reveal the heroine of our story. Our PM. May knows about division and this is why she is standing by America and France. She also has the courage of her convictions. Both show what a strong and intelligent woman she is. That’s why Putin and his band of nasties are scared of how this is all unfolding. She does what she says. She makes no idol threats. She takes a tough stand and must have nerves of steal. She holds Trump’s hand for a reason – he needs her more than she needs him. Love her or hate her, can you imagine the Village Idiot navigating us through such a stormy time? Westminster might be divided but we need to trust in Theresa May at least.

Meanwhile, whilst we all pray for world peace, was there ever a better reason to bring back Spitting Image…

Sprung a Leak?

What makes you get up in the morning? What motivates you to scrape yourself from your warm pit on a cold and frosty morning? Let’s be honest, it’s been difficult for the last few months. What with a winter which has pushed us into austerity with the sheer size of heating bills,and the extra food and alcohol required to keep the wolves from the door. It’s been a cruel harsh winter hasn’t it?

Spring, apparently, has finally sprung! And with it we gain a certain joie de Vivre. A lighter step and countenance emanates from us all and suddenly, with the miracle of lighter days comes joy, laughter and positivity! After months of our bodies struggling with lack of vitamin D, we can now bask in the April sun…if only!

The rain, for the most part, has almost certainly stopped play!

Our great British weather. How lucky we are. By carefully planning my days, I’ve managed to do various jobs in my garden. I’ve prepared it for the ‘summer’. For those three days when I’m bound to be at work, when the sun shines brilliantly and we are all lulled into a false sense of security. Where we’ll make plans to barbecue, picnic and naively buy a bottle of Pimms. Be honest. How many of you have been stock piling garden stuff from the season aisle in Tescos? Foolishly purchasing plants, new gloves, play sets, seeds (you’ll never plant as it’s too cold to go out), patio furniture (you stupidly let yours rot) and a new barbie, plus accessories, in eager readiness for a summer season? And I bet you can picture you and yours sitting, no luxuriating in the warm summer sun in a picture perfect setting.

And you’d be right to. A good lifestyle is something we all, quite rightly, aspire to. Some of us want the glitz and trappings of a celebrity setting. Some of you have aspirations of living a life fit to style the cover of Home and Garden magazine. And some covert the look from the latest Vogue cover. Whatever our dreams, aspirations and goals are, it’s worth remembering that life should actually be about having fun and making allowances.

Always have a plan B.

The above, as my various children will tell you, is my motto for life. Always have another escape route, path, way to success and be happy. For example: I’ve always wanted to back pack around the world. Due to varying children of assorted ages, we have never had the luxury to do this. One day, me and Him, will be the oldest back packers in town. However, until that exciting prospect comes to fruition (we have fingers crossed that all the things we want to see haven’t been ruined by man. Therefore, please recycle your plastic) we are left with creating various travels we have made (and aspire to make) through culinary wonder. This past week we have travelled to China (Him more than me), France (happy times where I had no wrinkles), Greece (love and sunshine on a plate), Italy (where we are our greatest meal ever) and the a Lebanese feast (I long to visit Beirut but Him less so).

NB: The latter I created for our friends with Mickey Flanagan ringing in my ears (just like when I found myself dipping gf bread in balsamic vinegar and ordering s veg box, earlier on in the week) about being ‘middle class’. Not so Mickey, just escapism. vinegar, earlier on in the week) about being ‘middle class’. Not so Mickey, just escapism.

Cooking a meal, listening to good music, planting some new herbs in the garden and making optimistic plans for the summerging in my ears (as I was dipping my gf bread in balsamic vinegar, earlier on in the week) about being ‘middle class’. Not so Mickey, just escapism. are ways of beating the drudgery. An ideal life does not exist but having s good life is easy. Plan B? Cook a meal inspired by a gorgeous location – you’re there. Run in the rain like you’re 7 – you’re alive! It’s a freezing cold morning and you don’t know how to entertain the children. Stay in bed, watch a film and drink hot chocolate – savour a guilty pleasure.

Life isn’t about painting that perfect picture. Roll with the punches and ride the waves. Turn that shit around! Happy spring, it’s going to be epic.