Love is a beautiful thing. However, it can also be addictive and toxic. Therefore, the question is: what turns something great into something terrible?
Whilst everyone is talking about phone detox, I’m well in my depths of intoxicated addiction. In a quiet moment I can be found listing, journaling and creating files in my notes; texting friends about the things that make me smile; communicating with the serious stuff; Googling what takes my fancy; and scrolling through instagram. Instagram – some could say – is a devils playground. A toxic breeding ground of poor mental health and body dysmorphia. And this I understand. But before I get into the pitfalls of the Gram, want to talk about my fascination with the grid.
Instagram: a rabbit hole of people, products and social politics. A place to lose myself in the ridiculous and beautiful. A soundtrack for the fast moving world we live in. A place which is regularly criticised and seen as an example of our decline in society. But for me? I love it.
It’s probably over ten years since I’ve been able to comfortably read a magazine. Once an addict to the glossies, I used to devour J17 and More as a teenager, moving onto Red , Cosmo and Vogue as a functioning adult. I loved the glamour, the writing, I loved the aspirational style. With a copy of Heat thrown in here and there, I kept myself well abreast of the celebrity gossip machine. But, along with my ability to go out at night unaided, I had my voracious ability to devour print capped.
The Kindle solved many of my issues. But as gleeful as I was that I was able to read properly again, I was starved of celebrity.
I entered a grey hinterland of tumbleweed and an empty east wind. I got my info via the television and radio. Whole movements, trends and shenanigans passing me by. What was I to do? Facebook was boring. Twitter was toxic. But, Instagram was gloriously glossy and so far removed from the mundanity of life, that I was hooked.
And so my journey began.
But, like all love stories, there are always obstacles which threaten to spoil a good thing. In this case: trolls.
Recently, I was scrolling and came across a beautiful picture of two women. Now, my eyes aren’t the best, but the thing that sang to me was the utter joy on their faces. Closer inspection and a helpful caption told me that they were Julia Roberts and her niece, in e what appeared to be a card game after a family sleepover. Happy family time. I loved the positive energy emanating from the image. However, it wasn’t her sharing it. The post was by a DJ who said he felt ‘compelled’ to share Julia’s raw honesty. What is afoot, I thought?
It turned out not everyone is a cheerleader. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. After sharing this personal moment she was messaged by many people telling her ‘how terrible I looked’. That ‘I’m not ageing well’ and that she was unrecognisable.
I mean. Wow!
After some thought about this, I had two trains of thought: one, is that really what people see? And two, what type of person feels they can actively comment on another’s looks?
All I’m going to say is that it says WAY more about them than the beautiful Julia Roberts.
Ageing, I mean, this is a whole other ramblings in the making. So, instead I’m going to focus on why people like to deflect their own insecurities and channel them into negativity towards others. And why they think it’s acceptable to share their toxicity on social media.
Scanning the grid it is incredibly, and sadly, too easy to find awful comments about others. To read such negativity about young, successful women like Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez – well, it seems they can’t do anything right. Then there’s the seasoned performers: JLo, SJP and Madonna. All torn apart with a caustic vitriol of some keyboard warriors. Hhhmmmm…
What makes them do it? For want of not giving their words any page space, I think it’s worth noting that it’s symptomatic of poor mental health and insecurity. In a BBC article it was reported that ‘Dr Mark Griffiths, Professor of Behavioural Addiction at Nottingham Trent University said: “Most people troll others for either revenge, for attention seeking, for boredom, and for personal amusement.” He then goes in to say that it is a way for people who are unhappy to lash out and get rid of their frustrations. Does this mean that trolls can be embittered ageing women who can’t afford a decent face cream; young people who can’t get recording deals and a celebrity partner; or, angry individuals who have failed to reach their potential?
In which case, maybe we should be extending sympathy to this group of aggressive typists.
In the early days I used to find the escapism of instagram a luxury. Scrolling through a myriad of holiday destinations, celebrity lives and stylish clothes and interiors, I enjoyed it. And, I still do. But I guess that looking at such aspirational eye candy can trigger jealousy. After all, if somebody feels frustrated by their own trappings, trolling must be a way of releasing the pressure.
What to do?
Personally, well, like a good face filter, I erase what I don’t want to see. I make my own judgements, fill my feed with hilarity, and ignore the haters. It’s what I do in life. My advice always to never walk into a room that cloaks you in negativity. I avoid these situations like the plague. And do I feel jealous of the Beckhams jetting around the world and influencers on a permanent holiday? Not really. They’re just people living their best lives. They’ve worked hard and luck has gone their way. Envy? Well who wouldn’t want to spend January on a deserted beach in Thailand? But does it cause me to write nasty comments – no!
All it makes me do is dream…
So when you’re scrolling, try with the empathy. For who you follow and the followers. After all, we are all waking through something everybody knows nothing about. Spread the love and be kind,
The Mad Ramblings of Mrs S. 