Once upon a time, a young woman was sitting in a meeting room.  It was her first week in the job.  The discussion around her was completely unrelated to anything she had done before.  She felt out of her depth.  She felt overwhelmed.  She was ready to bolt. Luckily, she didn’t.  

That was then.  This is now.  

Now – she runs the meetings.  

But, she still thinks she’s not good enough; full of self-doubt.  Full of anxiety.  Full of paranoia.

A familiar story?

The other day a woman was talking about all the reasons she might get the sack.  Mistakes she’s made; times she felt she could have been better; times she felt like she hadn’t measured up.  At no time did she realise and say ‘I’m good at my job because I care’. At no time did she think ‘it’s because I care that I’m still in this job’

Instead, she measured herself against self destroying goals and expectations.  

Nobody had told her she wasn’t any good.  Nobody had told her she sucked.

It was her.  All on her.

How many of you can relate?

Imposter syndrome plagues , according to research, 82% of the population.  And although my two stories focus on women, men are just as likely to suffer with this self-sabotaging issue.  

Why do we do it to ourselves?  

The sad thing is that this 82% contains a high percentage of people who have ultimately worked extremely hard to gain success, only to decide that they don’t deserve it.  Instead, they spend hours punishing themselves for all their failings.  Framing their perceptions through a negative lens and second  guessing what others think.  When, in fact, most people don’t give it a second thought.  And those that do?  Well, I think it’s a case of asking ‘do they matter?’

Ultimately, it’s about being kinder and stepping outside of ourselves.  People are flailing and we live in a naturally judgmental world.  And as difficult as it is, we need to be kinder to ourselves so we can be kinder to others.  

How do we spot it?  

In a recent article I read by Gina Balarin, entitled ‘Imposter Syndrome: The Struggle Is Real – But You Can Beat It?’  She quotes Clare Josa who says ‘There are four P indicators of imposter syndrome – perfectionism, paralysis, people-pleasing, and procrastination.’

Instantly, I could relate to all of the above.  I could also relate it to many of the people within my life.  The micro-managers who obsess over every detail; people who become unable to articulate themselves under pressure; those who go above and beyond tying themselves up in knots to please others; those who hide and avoid the big picture.  

All of the above have been me at one time or another.  I’d argue that you can also relate.  However, none of the above mean we are failing, they are what make us human.  

Historically, there has been a stigma attached to showing weakness at work.  We were trained to be resilient, loyal and selfless.  To be successful meant sacrifice with blood sweat and tears (think sackcloth and ashes).  Although, most of us are realising that this kind of thinking is a legacy of the past.  For years it was drilled into us to: work, work, work.  That to think about yourself was selfish and showed weakness.  

Self care?  We should all be doing it in spades.  

It’s now 2024 and we’ve seen and been through a global pandemic which changed our world.  We began to evaluate and value our lives; looking at what living meant through a different perspective.  People changed, people grew.  We’ve also lived through the BeKind movement where we learned to articulate ‘it’s okay to not be okay.’  And finally, there’s never been a more visible time for movement for equality within minorities within our society.  So why do we keep punishing ourselves?

Think back to those two women.  Think back to those four Ps.  Think how you could spot the signs: feel the self doubt oozing from their every pore and think about what you could do.  How could you be kind?  How could have I been kind?

Me?  I’m trying.  By actively thinking about it, I feel I might be able to help at least one person.  To hold their hand; thank them; give them a smile.  Not forced or false, just softening the edges of their day.  

82% of people are going through something.  Surely, if we all work together we can smash the sadness.  

For more information here is one of the articles I read:  

Imposter Syndrome: The Struggle Is Real – But You Can Beat It

Imposter Syndrome: The Struggle Is Real – But You Can Beat It