So How Ya Doing?

It’s what, three weeks in?  And that long holiday we all used to dream of; when work became tiring (all the time), when the world spun too fast (dizzy, I want to get off), and when you could ‘just do with some extra days at home’ to get stuff done – well it’s here!

So, how ya doing?

I suppose it depends on your situation.  However, I do imagine, whoever you are, your emotions will be spinning up and down like a yo-yo.  And that’s alright.  No judgement.  We are just not designed to live such compartmented lives.  Be it you prefer your own company, or that surrounded by others.  You still aren’t allowed to do what you want to do.

First world problems…or are you winning at lockdown?

Where do you stand at this current moment?

Three weeks in and I’m loving the fact I can exercise every day.  I’m loving the beach as my place to run/walk.  I can just keep going, relax into my run as I’ve not to be back for something or other…I’m doing at least three online classes with my wonderful fitness instructors.  And if we are praising people, deserve a massive cheer for these sessions designed to help ‘mind and body’ in these difficult times.  Such a boost.  And so lovely to roll onto the sofa after a relaxing Pilates class (with a celebratory glass of wine).

Have you been cleaning?  My house looks like a shiny new pin.  Cupboards have been cleansed, rooms blitzed and DIY projects renewed.   As for the garden, well…it’s looking Monty Don ready!  We’ve spent days on it.  What with all the glorious weather, it’s our outside room.  See, I’m winning at this!

To my family’s happiness, I’m cooking every day.  I’m learning new recipes via Instagram (I’m losing masses of time on this ‘socialising’).  There’s no ‘freezer surprise’ days and no awful takeaways.  To be honest, I love my food and hate ‘shite teas’, so having more time means I’m able to explore…(tonight I’ve made some special hallumi bites).  And those of you who know me, know I love to cook a big feast, but with these long days in front of us, I’ve been making more and more elaborate and healthy dishes to ‘eat ourselves healthy’ (Im wondering whether to start cooking LIVE myself?).  However, as the days pass, I’m missing cooking for my wider family and friends.  Such fun times…

And in amongst all this exercise, house activity (my friend says we are going to ‘have the most beautiful homes’ after this) and food, I’ve not mentioned the family time, online karaoke, quizzing and dancing which seems to occur at such a rate it’s like I’m at a really busy weekend at Butlins.  Who needs a holiday this year?  Such fun, such solidarity.

But here comes the other bit.  The feelings and emotions which plague every time we put on the news…

You see, I’m exercising to realease the anxiety.  To have to battle recovery through lockdown, feels like someone’s idea of a joke – not funny! Although, I know this is not about me, I am also aware that the darkness can close in at times like this.  Uncertainty, being afraid and a lack of structure…well where do we go?  So, running, stretching, weights, whatever my poison of the day, I just roll with it.  Taking the edge off…

And then it’s back into the fray.  Wherever you turn it’s three ‘Covid-19’, something, which twelve months ago could have been a brand of cough syrup or cigarettes.  If only.  Instead, we are in fear of something we can’t touch, see, or hear.

Such anxiety creates a dip in your ‘jolly red-coat’ mood.  Day 17:  There’s more bad news, and you’re on your third cry of the day (not self pity – fear, sadness, worry, anxiety – FFS).  Cognitive behaviour, done (worst case scenario/best case…), mediation, done, writing lists – well there’s one for you…

Lists, things to do, things to achieve:

Booked your summer holiday? – errr

Weekly shop online – not possible so I’m currently paying extra to shop or M & S as I’m allowed in, can see where I’m going, and not getting scowled at as I don’t quite see the distancing in the queue (it’s scary for me too, sorry).

DIY – for this you require items which I do not have.  Head scratching has resulted in lots of recycling and ingenious ideas which shall need readjusting as soon as normal service has been resumed.

Spring cleaning – welllll, I’m running low on Zoflora

Gardening – it takes a week from email to delivery to receive your items.  I’m in a queue…

I apologise here as I said ‘first world problems’ didn’t I?  Well, actually, they are, but, they are also problems of a partially sighted lady trying to win at self isolation.

So, this week when I had a running ‘accident’ where I required help from a little Asian man in a corona mask, wasn’t my finest hour.  Me waving ‘I’m fine’.  Him coming closer in his mask.  Me panicking as he was obviously afraid, trying to get off my flat face on the floor (bloody picnic bench).  Him miming about water.  Well, not my finest hour…Not to mention STILL being in the garden centre queue, running low on stuff I’m not prepared to queue for (as I can’t see and don’t want to freak people out),  and finding endless more activities to entertain the troops…it all rather exhausting and highly emotional.

I know ‘wow’. I’m such a spoilt bitch.  I’m not on the frontline.  I’m teaching from my dining table.  I’m not risking my life every day to keep the country ticking.  I’m here, in my cute house on the beach, with Him, two girls and RosieDog.  I get to exercise on the sand.  I can sit in my garden and hear the sea.  I can FaceTime…but it’s not life is it?  Yes, I miss my family so much.  I ache to see them and give them a cuddle.  My friends, well, where do I begin?  And my teaching – such worry about my students, for a multitude of reasons.

At times like this we learn and evaluate don’t we?  I do feel so incredibly lucky.  I have love, a safe home, a renewed love for my community (who, I am not exaggerating here, give the best clap for carers – who’d have thought we’d be championing the clap? that this country has ever heard!).  Counting my blessings, feeling blessed.  But that’s where the anxiety rests, we want to protect, stay safe, save lives.

Lockdown 2020: if you’re not one of the many who are keeping the country going.  If you’re doing your own bit, however little, however small, keep going…we will fight this together.  This said, with isolation comes cabin fever (a small price to pay).

It’s an uneasy time: So how you enjoying your long impromptu holiday?  I’d say ‘swings and roundabouts’

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