I’ve often heard and felt the old adage ‘one step forward and two steps back’ rather keenly. Life it seems can throw many a curve ball and that is certainly where we are currently at. The other idiom I am also familiar with has to do with ‘putting ones foot in it’. (Only I wish someone had and preferably in my mouth!) Teaching these ‘pearls of wisdom’ to a class of literal learners – that life is more than the visual, the tangible, that it has many metaphorical layers, is something I get paid to do on a daily basis. However, learning meanings is one thing. Learning lessons from the meaning is another.
I’ve two clouds on the horizon. I also have an anxiety with what promises (long term) to be a brilliant ray of sunshine (more about that at a later date). So what do I do? At present I’m having, what the Americans coin as a ‘mental health day’. Only it’s been two and it’s still not any better. So they say a problem shared is a problem halved…so with the censorship of my situation I shall hypothesise to protect all involved.
I often feel that if I (this is a generic I and applies to all) was lying dying on the floor, people would just step over me to get on with their own agenda. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way wallowing in self pity with this statement, I’m only being a realist. Most people I know are too busy within their micro-worlds to even look beyond their own nose. Consumed by matters pertaining to their own back gardens, they choose to ignore anything which requires effort and empathy. Maybe it’s the modern way? Gone, it seems, are the days of ‘love thy neighbour’. Society seems to have bred a mass of people so full of their own self importance that they don’t care who they hurt in the process. You see, I’ve a gut instinct for people, situations and such like. I can smell rats a mile off. And I have a keener sense of smell than the Rosie Dog. However, when faced with confrontation I’m no good. What do I do? I retreat and let dust settle. I hide away because as good as a case as I have, I can’t stand the battle, the retorts and the bloody aftermath. I make plans (I’m a strategist) and work out various scenarios. However, whichever way I look at it I always end up in the wrong! (Maybe it’s my face.m?). This is what I can’t stand – being vindicated for someone else’s shitty behaviour. I feel I’m always outed as the bitch, the awful person who has issue upon issue. However, much I know I have grounds for disgruntlement, I feel like the person ‘dying on the floor’ (do not see this as a sign of self pity. It’s more a sign of frustration). Like I said – people like to self preserve and from someone who had it drilled into them to say sorry from an early age, I wonder why modern society seem to struggle with the word and prefer to blame others?
So, yes, I’m not perfect and often inadvertently say things I shouldn’t. However, it’s not malicious and certainly not to be seen as bitter and twisted. I say shit and realise I shouldn’t (I was told this at the age of 16). Only I seem to get caught, hung, drawn and quartered for it on a daily basis. I used to think it was because people didn’t like me – an unpopular soul. But, I’ve recently realised that (again a flaw of modern society) that judging and punishing someone is preferable trying to see the good.
When was the last time you heard something about negative or shocking, about someone and tried to give them the benefit of the doubt? Be honest! Modern media has embedded within our culture a selfishness of being. People love to take the higher ground. They love to sit at the lofty heights of ‘self righteousness’, often forgetting, or ‘brain erasing’ past misdemeanours. So where’s this heading? Well firstly, if you think this is about you it’s not! It’s a generic rant on behalf of anyone who feels they’ve never had a fair hearing. It’s a crutch to hold anyone up who feels that life is ‘rewarding the bad and slapping the good’. It’s also a reminder to all you beautiful people that none of us is flawless and, as my ‘mental health day(s)’ have taught me: to look around me, absorb the bigger picture, breathe the air of devils advocate and realise that ‘it’s not all about me’
The clouds and the anxiety ridden ray of sunshine will still be there in the morning, but worry I not! Instead I shall be forging ahead for a brilliant year to come.